Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 26, 2013

marriage humors

Few marriage humors are enjoyable:
1. Quote on a man’s T-shirt:
All women are devils…
But my wife is QUEEN of them!
2. सुख तो आपका पुण्य होगा उतना मिलेगा…..
लेकिन, शांति तो आपकी घरवाली की इच्छा होगी उतनी ही मिलेगी!
3. बीवी: कोई आदमी चोरी करता है, उसे पछतावा होता है..  
आपने कभी चोरी की है?
पति: 10 साल पहेले तेरा दिल चुराया था… आज तक पछताता हु!!
4. Man was sent on earth to suffer…
Women was sent to make sure it happens!
5. अच्छी बीवी और चुड़ैल में क्या समानता है?
दोनों के बारे में बहुत सुना है, पर किसीने कभी देखा नहीं!!
6. A man asked for poison.
Chemist refused, since it required prescription.
He showed his Marriage Certificate.
Chemist: बस कर भाई, रुलाएगा क्या? बड़ी बोतल दू या छोटी?
7. डॉक्टर: ये 3 दांत कैसे टूटे?
मरीज़: जी, वो… बीवी ने लड्डू बनाये थे….
डॉक्टर: तो ना बोल देते!
मरीज़: तो तो पुरे 32 के 32 टूट जाते…!!!
8. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
And other is husband!
9. Husband & Wife always compromise.
Husband always admits that he is wrong, and wife agrees with him.
10. Husband & wife had a long argument.
Wife concluded: See dear; do you want to WIN or be HAPPY?
11. A man speaks 25000 words daily,
A woman speaks 30000 words.
Problem starts when husband comes from office after finishing his 25000,
& Wife starts her quota of 30000 words!
12. बीवी: तुमने कभी सोचा, मेरी शादी किसी और से होती तो क्या होता?
   पति: नहीं…. में कभी किसीका बूरा नहीं सोचता…!!
13. Boy: My dad is billionaire & 93-years old.
     He will die soon.
     Will you marry me?
     Girl: NO.
    A week later she became his step-mother.
    Moral: Don’t give ideas to girls.
14. समुन्दर से कहे दो अपनी लहेरो को समेट के रखे,
ज़िन्दगी में तूफान लाने के लिए घरवाली ही काफी है….
15. Two things in life are difficult to achieve:
(1) to plant your idea in someone’s head, &
(2) to plant somebody’s money in your pocket.
* He who succeeds in the 1st, we call him TEACHER;
* He who succeeds in the 2nd, we call him GOVERNMENT;
* The one who succeeds in both, we call WIFE; &
* The one who fails in both, we call HUSBAND!
16. उसने कहा: मेरी बीवी तो स्वर्ग की अप्सरा है…
   हमने कहा: खुशनसीब हो मेरे भाई,
   मेरी तो जिंदा और जान-लेवा है…!!
17. संता: यार, में  कुछ भी करता हु, मेरी बीवी बीच में आ जाती है…
   बनता: यार, तु कार चला के देख..!
18. Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
     It Means-Worries Invited For Ever…
     Wife: No; it means- With Idiot For Ever !!!
19. Three dolls in a man’s Life:
(I) His Daughter: Barbie Doll
(ii) His Girlfriend: Baby Doll
(iii) His Wife: डामाडोल…!!!
20. No one teaches a volcano how to erupt…
No one teaches a tsunami how to arise…
No one teaches a hurricane how to sway around…
No one teaches a man how to choose a wife…
Natural Disasters just happen…!!!
21. Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The Mafia wants either or money or life…
The wives want both!
22. Searching these keywords on Google ‘How to tackle wife?’
Google search result, ‘Good day sir, Even we are searching’.
23. Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
24. Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years.
Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!
25. Whisky is a brilliant invention…
One double and you start feeling single again.
26. A friend recently explained why he refuses to get to married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.
27. STILL PEOPLE WANT TO MARRY!!!
FULL FORM OF SHAADI  “शादी”
S – शांति भंग
H – हिम्मत ख़तम
A – आजादी समाप्त
A – आराम हराम
D – दिमाग ख़राब
I – इंसान खलास..!
28. सरदार ने Airhostess से कहा: आपकी सूरत और आवाज़ बिलकुल मेरी बीवी जैसी है.
Airhostess ने एक तमाचा मार दिया…
सरदार: कमाल है; आदत भी वैसी ही है.!!!
29. बीवी: अगर में खो गयी, तो क्या करोगे??
संता: में निर्मल बाबा के पास जाऊंगा.
बीवी: तुम कितने अच्छे हो… क्या कहोगे उनसे?
संता: कहूँगा, बाबा, आप की कृपा हो गयी.!!!
30. पत्नी ने पति के गाल पे जोरदार तमाचा मार के मच्छर मार दिया.
पति गुस्से हो गया…
पत्नी: जो खून मुझे पीना है, वो कोई दूसरा पी जाए, तो कैसे चलेगा?!
31. American: In India, do you guys call your wives ‘HONEY’ in your native language?
Indian: Oh no; we call them BEE-BEE… they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE…
32. एक आदमी मंदिर में बोल रहा था:
हे भगवान,
तेरी दया,
तेरी कृपा,
तेरी श्रद्धा,
तेरी आराधना,
तेरी अर्चना,
तेरी भक्ति,
तेरी पूजा,
तेरी आरती,
तेरी माया,
तेरी गीता,
तेरी विद्या,
तेरी रिद्धि,
तेरी सिद्धि,
तेरी लक्ष्मी,
तेरी करुणा,
तेरी महेर,
तेरी लीला..
…… मेरी एक भी नहीं…!!??
Lastly, in Gujarati language:
લખુભા: મારી પત્ની તો દેવી છે…
જોરુભા: દેવી તો મારે ય છે; પણ એને લ્યે કોણ..??!!
__._,_.___
maheshmshah@yahoo.com>      10-8-2012

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