Wonderful Definitions

Wonderful Definitions

School

A place where Papa pays and Son plays. 
        
Life Insurance

A contract that keeps you poor all  your life so that you can die Rich. 
                
Nurse

A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. 

Marriage

It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. 

Tears

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine   waterpower. 

Lecture

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of     the students without passing through “the         minds of either” 

Conference

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 

Compromise

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the   biggest piece. 

Dictionary

A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody  disagrees later on.

Father

A banker provided by nature. 

Boss

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 

Politician

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. 

Doctor

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. 

Classics

Books, which people praise, but do not read. 

Smile

A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 

Office

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 

Yawn

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouths. 

Etc.

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 

Committee

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 

Experience

The name men give to their mistake

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An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.   An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’ The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with non stopping chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 — he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?” He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

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