Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 3, 2011

: There I was…..

: There I was…..

: There I was…..

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says. “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me.”

“So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink. I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But, enough about me. How’s your day going? 

__._,_.___

A BLIND MANS JOKE

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool
and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell
that joke, sir, you should know five things:

1 – The bartender is a blonde girl.

2 – The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3 – I’m a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight
lifter.

5 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah, not
if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t u exchange?
Sardar: Oye! There was nobody to exchange in the lower berth.

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said:’Fill Up In Capital.’.

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him:
‘Today’s dinner should be light !’

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don’t have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I’m unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I’m Banta not Santa!

On a romantic date sardar’s girlfriend asks him:
‘Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?’
He said: ‘Sure ! What’s your phone number?’

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji
He wrote:’Due To Rain, No Match!’

What does a sardar do after taking a Photo copy ?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Why can’t sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.

Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Sardar: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10

Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking
thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

Sardar news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are
still digging for more.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says ‘Chin Yu Yan’ and dies.
Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is ‘You are standing on the oxygen tube!’

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Sardar: I am seeing how I look while sleeping !!!!!

——————————————————————————————————————————-


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