A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the Panjim-Mapusa highway.
Nothing has moved for half an hour, when suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What’s going on?”
The man tells him that Russians down the road have kidnapped some Goan MLAs.
“They’re asking for a 10 million ransom or they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.
Several people are going from car to car, taking up a collection.”
The driver asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?”
The man replies, “Most people are giving about a litre.”
IT PAYS TO LEARN KONKANI…
A Goan farmer walking through his field notices a fellow drinking
water straight from the pond with one hand.
The Goan shouts, ‘Arre baba, tem udaak pienaka. Tantun gorvan ani dukor hagtat!’,
which means, ‘Don’t drink the water; the cows and the pigs crap in it!’
The man shouts back, ‘I don’t understand your gibberish. Speak English, you idiot!’
The Goan shouts back in English, ‘Use both hands, you’ll get more!’
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are American Jews and had come to Goa
with a troop of Israelis for some R&R. While sitting at a local taverna, it came upon Benjie to ask,
”Are there any Goan Jews?”
“I don’t know,” Oscar replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” The rest of the troop had no idea either.
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, “Are there any Goan Jews?”
“I not know sir, I check,” the waiter replied, and he went to speak to the bartender.
He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Goan Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Benjie asked.
“I checking again, sir” the waiter replied and went back to the bartender.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in Goa,
our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Goan Jews..”
“Are you really sure?” Benjie asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Goan Jews.”
“Sir, I check,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange Jews, mango Jews and pineapple Jews,
but patrao not knows Goan Jews! If you like, you can even have Feni with Jews.”
GOANS CAUSING PROBLEMS IN HEAVEN
The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said “I have to talk to you.
We have some Goencars up here in Heaven and they are causing problems.
They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing kashtis and saris instead of their white robes,
they are riding Mercedes and BMW’s instead of the chariots, and they’re selling
their halos to people for discount prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear,
since they keep crouching down midway eating Sannas and Sorpotel.
Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!”
The Lord said, “Goans are Goans. Heaven is home to all my children.
If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.”
Satan answered the phone, “Hello? Damn, hold on a minute..” Satan returned to the phone,
“OK I’m back. What can I do for you?”
Gabriel replied, “I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.”
Satan says, “Hold on again. I need to check on something.”
After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, “I’m back.
Now what was the question?”
Gabriel said, “What kind of problems are you having down there?”
Satan says, “Man I don’t believe this………Hold on.”
This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said,
“I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now.
These Goans from the Gulf down here have put out the fire in hell and are trying to install air conditioning!!!